Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
