apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
