I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
