We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
When did we convert life to cartoon?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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