Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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