a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize