did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
