how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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