Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
