its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
