Did you just see the Batmobile???
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
