We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
