I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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