When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Randomize
