What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
