Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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