Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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