More tranny stories later!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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