i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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