Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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