No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
