please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just had sex on a roof
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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