I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
