Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
