you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize