sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
