Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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