That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
