apparently the secret to your success is patron
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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