do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
