Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
