Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize