What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
