Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
