I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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