Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize