Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
