I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize