I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
