New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
