why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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