We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
