i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
should my penis look like a turkey
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize