Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
