Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
