last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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