I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
