my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
