Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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