I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You can't motorboat a personality
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
