I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
