yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
