; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
