After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
