so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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