I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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