I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Randomize
