I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
