I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
