Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
