I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
