its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize