She said her name was "party"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
