I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize