I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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