I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
