Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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