Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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