On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize