I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
