Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We got so high we made milksteak
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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