Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
