Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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