yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
