Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
