he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
