New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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