New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize