watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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